…soulful cry

I’ve been banging my head on what to write about next. I’m not feeling creative these days, but thought there’s more to my motherhood journey than just my kid….

So enjoy this little thing I wrote instead : )

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Yesterday,

I cried.

No one passed

And I wasn’t hurt.

Nothing serious like that

I wasn’t watching something heart felt

Nor was there a touching book I was reading…

I just….cried.

Like it was needed,

Like it didn’t come from me, really.

Just tears released from the pits of my soul;

I had a deep, soulful cry

Maybe to release all the sadness, happiness, confusion, relief I felt;

Things that felt like they had been dormant

For days,

Months,

Years, maybe.

Tears that my mind had forgotten,

My heart locked away,

But my soul held on to

Hadn’t healed from.

Body limp.

Head pounding.

Eyes sore and red.

The tears escaped my body like rivers in search for the ocean

…In search for You

Was my soul crying because it longed for You?

Felt distant from You?

Was being abused…

By me?

Had I neglected it so much that this was a cry for help?

Had I neglect to nourish it?

I neglected it from being in touch with You…

I was distancing my soul from You…not meaning to…

The busyness of day to day life consumed me

So much so, that my soul felt abandoned.

Lost.

Alone.

Wilting from malnourishment.

Praying that tears would help me to realize that I was in despair,

My soul cried

Silently,

But clearly enough not to be ignored

Forgotten

Knowing that I needed something,

More than the temporary, worldly things I accepted as distraction,

Interim satisfaction. 

Something that I was avoiding…

Because I just didn’t want to.

And yet,

You heard this cry

And came to water me;

Through reminders of why I was planted in You,

Through people, pouring into me;

Through song, breathing life out of me;

Through a pen and paper when my words failed me out loud;

You continue to do your part.

And all You ask of me is to listen,

Acknowledge,

Release.

But never ignore my soulful cry.

-Ash