…stir crazy

Day 31-ish of Quaranting…

Anyone absolutely losing it yet?

Just me?

Cool…cool…

Well since I have all the time in the world apparently…I’m up [at 3am] and trying to figure out how to not drive myself insane. Shall we?:

Art: I have been trying to find a hobby for years (outside of writing) and forgot that I used to enjoy doodling and have actually been dabbling in it every now and again. Recently Ky and I did portraits of each other and I was so in the zone. It was relaxing (minus Ky’s talking….are yall’s kids talking excessively too?!).  Anywho, I splurged a lot on Amazon for some more materials and scrolled through Pinterest/YouTube for some ideas of what to paint next. I’m no professional of course, but so far each picture has meant something to me during this time. I’m titling my series “Quarantine Chronicles”. (Check my IG Stories for them!)

Writing: At the beginning of this quarantine I just KNEW I was about to kill this writing thing. Whether it was journaling, blogging, or writing my book [yes, yall…I’m writing a book!], I was about to make progress. However the only things making progress are any Netflix series I’m watching. It’s tough. I’m realizing outside is my inspiration and right now I can’t do that. I’m feeling disconnected from my writing, but I’m trying to pull from anything I can (while also limiting my exposure to all of the Rona news on social media). It’s a battle. All I want to do is add something, anywhere, during this time. Baby steps.

Reading, Ha!: Next to writing, reading feels equally unsuccessful. But I have been reading my Bible here and there. I’ve started with Matthew because why not and it’s been a nice time talking to God about all that’s going on; what’s to gain from all of this for me. So I guess I can call this somewhat of a productive win.

iPads/TV are my Co-Parents: Say what you will, but teaching from home and dealing with my own kid is NOT IT! I thought that would be a happy medium because look at all the energy I can have now that I haven’t taught for 7hrs, managing 19 kids. LIES! LIES! LIES! How is it that I’m even more exhausted?! Baffling. And I told myself “Ash, don’t you dare have Ky on that iPad all day! Do some activities with her. Only use it when you need a break!” Newsflash to “Inner Ash”: I NEED A BREAK FOR AS LONG AS I’M STUCK IN HERE! I’ve told ya’ll how much my kid talks right?! Well it magically decreases with an iPad or the TV in her face. The ONLY reason she’s not on the TV alone is because she broke the remote and we now have to use my phone. HOWEVER, I am still grateful!

Walking: Practicing social distancing is hard. It feels that much harder when you live in an apartment and don’t have your own backyard. I feel like this whole thing would be easier (maybe) if I lived in a house where Ky could play outside and I could watch her from the patio swing. But no. We have to settle for walking around our neighborhood (which is located downtown-ish). Avoiding parks and people running. *deeeeeeeep sigh* Walking with Ky is hit or miss. She will either complain or won’t be ready to go inside. Either way, it really has me thinking about seriously investing in a house.

Dress Up for the Living Room: I have put on make up, a dress, and done a whole photo-shoot all by lonesome. This has also been just as therapeutic for me because I love dressing up. It feels good to look good even….if it’s for an IG Live party. But at least I know I’ll be the cutest one in the room [until Ky walks her little sassy self in there]!

Binge N Naps: And then there’s this. My go-to. Lay in the bed and watch shows galore until I drift off into nap #5 before noon (because let’s face it, we’re not really ‘sleeping’ these days). I have not moved from my bed in about 3 days and it sounds unhealthy, but dammit it feels good to just be. I’ve been watching shows I’ve been meaning to get to, rewatching series I love, or just letting them watch me because I deserve to be still and rest. Where is Ky, you ask? Refer back to point four.

All in all, I’m taking it day by day to stay a little sane…do something that helps me not fall into a depressive hole.

So this is my friendly reminder to myself: you’re doing just fine.

-Ash