Posted in Single Parent

…two dads

“…maybe you should go on a date and get married…so then I can have two daddies…”

My kid casually told me this a few nights ago and I don’t know whether to be sad for her or….what.

I mostly feel sad. Saddened that she feels the need to want some other man around to call “dad”. I’m not sure why she feels the need to but I have my assumptions.

Not seeing T.O.P often. Maybe wanting a fatherly figure at home. Or maybe she just would like someone who would have more energy than me to talk to. I don’t know. My heart is just breaking for my kid, ya know. This is what I feared and have tried to mentally and emotionally prepare for. I thought surrounding her by as much family as I could would eliminate a void I knew I wouldn’t be able to fill alone.

I guess that isn’t enough.

She’s becoming so aware of family structures and asking all the questions/making comments I thought I had the answer to. But I’m not even sure what to do. When she said it, my mouth just kind of dropped and I wasn’t sure how to respond. All this time I was preparing myself of this moment…4/5 years of preparing myself….and I still had nothing.

I guess you can never really prepare yourself for something like this.

 

-Ash

 

Author:

30. Single Mom. Teacher. Procrastinator. Lazy Maid. Personal Preschooler Cook. Born & Raised in NY. Existing Somewhere in NC.

One thought on “…two dads

  1. Girl, this. My baby girl hasn’t seen TOP since she was one. I tried my hardest… really did… up until she was about two-and-a-half. Initiated FT calls, everything. I feel like there’s no way to prepare and when it hits me, I feel like… I’ll be where you are.

    Like

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