Single Parent

…Decade Reflection!

It’s almost a new year….a new decade…which means…




I started the decade with a horrible haircut I didn’t know how to take care of but I was over putting my hair in a funky ponytail…AGAIN. I was still trying to “find” myself (whatever that meant at the time). I got to witness my brother graduate High School (go ‘head Black Boy Joy!). We started our “celebration of life” BBQ to honor my dad’s first year of transition. I celebrated my 21st on a pole (I’m telling yall…It. Is. The. Life. For. Me). And during my last year of eligibility and our school’s return to the CIAA, I was apart of our Cross Country Team winning our first championship!….


2011, my teammates and I kept the winning streak up and won another championship during the Indoor season. By the end of the school year, it was evident I wouldn’t be able to go back to school to finish up my final classes. And that led to my depression. I was feeling like a failure. Like I let my family down. In addition, my dad’s side of the family wanted to take his ashes back to his birthplace to “bury” him; making it my first time back since I was 5 and the last time I had something left of him. 2011 was hard year. And what do women do when they’re going through a hard time? You guessed it. I cut all my permed hair off.


Towards the end of 2011, I left/was kicked out [kind of] from my mom’s. And started living with my dad’s side. I was watching everybody on social media [pretend to] get their shit together and I was jealous. So I got a job working at a childcare center and realized that teaching was something I wanted to do. In the mist of my depression, I started praying and eventually went on a journey to find a church home. I found it in FCBC and rededicated my life to Christ (I know it doesn’t seem like it by the way I cuss , but the Lordt is working on me! Lol). I witnessed my best friend graduate from college and really wanted to be happy. But I still had so much jealousy in my heart…Still trying to also seem like I’m starting to get my shit together…


I was still trying to get back into school and building my faith. I stepped out of my comfort zone and danced & mimed at my new church. I picked up a second job [because why not]. Still keeping myself busy so I didn’t have to focus or be jealous of my peers succeeding. And then I got the email: I was reinstated back to school. I moved into my first apartment, worked part time on campus, kept up with my church family to still have that spiritual connection/team and my mom & grandmother helped with rent. I was busting my ass to finish on a high note and save anything that I could…


2014…I made it! After all my dramatics, long assignments, late nights on the bus, and with a HUGE support system, I graduated….WITH honors! AND had two teaching offers away from NY. Things were looking up and I was feeling hopeful. However, towards the end of 2014, I was hit with a BIG surprise…


I kept my pregnancy a secret for months–did the whole no posting thing, didn’t tell a majority of my family, friends, or the people I worked with. I talk about it in my first post here! This was also the year I witnessed my best friend get married (took an almost 24hr train ride while 8 months pregnant to see her!). 2015 started off great….until daycare fees and postpartum attacked me like a bish that owed it money. I ended up NOT ok by the end of it…


So what have we learned that Ash does when things are a bit stressful and she needs a change? You guessed it! I cut my hair [AGAIN]. The real reason being that postpartum shedding was a bish and I couldn’t handle it anymore. And I started this blog to fight all of the postpartum I was going through. Between the financial struggles, I took a friend up on an offer to rent a room in her house so I could save up for a car (ya girl had to do what ya girl had to do!). I prayed one big prayer to the Homie that I would find a church home where I lived (because at this point I had lost touch with everyone back in NY)….ONCE I got the car….my usual bargaining skills with our Lord and Savior. But He pulled through….and then some! Got the car. Found a church home. Got a part time job. Even got Ky and I an apartment! Our village was growing.  Ky turned a year old terror….and met T.O.P for the first time….


I told myself I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I became more involved in church, took on leadership roles at work, road tripped with a toddler (check out that post here), stayed away from the kiddo for longer than a weekend, and even started dating again! (Catch those antics here and here).


I was feeling myself…just a bit. Traded in my car, took a couple of road trips (to see a couple of mommy friends and my very pregnant cuzzo), and was out here trying to get “chosed” (mega fail, but I was still cute in the process). 2018, I needed to build up my confidence and own this MILF [AND did!].


I turned 30 and celebrated….at work. Lol because… But then took an amazing cruise through Spain, Italy, and France! THE best experience of my entire life (and I secretly wish to move there now). Ky and I also started new grades; Ky started PreK and I moved up to teaching Kindergarten (which is all tiring me out before I can finish my glass of wine!). I also fell for someone…and maybe fell out with this same someone…but I think we can discuss that all in 2020…let’s see if he makes it past the last few hours of this decade…

Well folks, I never make my posts this long. So if you made it here, go you! But seriously I hope you enjoyed our Decade Reflection and was able to get a sense of who I am and the beginnings of the Being A Mom Means… blog.

I hope you celebrate the fudge (because I’m slowly limiting my cussin) out of what’s left of 2019 and whatever came out of this decade and go into this new decade…go into 2020…ready to fuck it up!

[i tried.]


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