Posted in Single Parent

…let’s talk about “it” (late post)

Let’s talk about abortion…

I’ve had one and for awhile I was ashamed of it because it wasn’t something I wanted to go through with but felt like I had to. During that time I was going through so much that if I hadn’t done it, I’m sure stress would have caused me to miscarry. But that wasn’t my reasoning. I saw this as my “out“. I was young and stupidly in love with my then boyfriend, was an athlete in a completely different state, with my family going through financial and health struggles. My thought process was I would be ridiculous (and maybe even a bit selfish) to go through with a pregnancy I thought I could handle.

So our parents helped us go through with it.

When it came to my pregnancy with Ky, instinctively, that was the direction I had originally planned; another out.  Not because of stress or the situation. But because of fear. I am terrified of the unknown. How could I raise this child? Would I even survive labor? What do I even do? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t bring a little person into this world. I just started my career, moved to a new state…plus this was a slip up…a horribly, gone wrong, slip up.

I had it in my mind to get an abortion. It would have been the easier option.

Of course I didn’t go through with it. But I wouldn’t fault anyone else who had those same thoughts and went through with it. If raising a kid has taught me anything….if single motherhood has taught me anything…it’s I’m the sole decision maker. Yes, I have a village but when it comes down to it, I make all choices for myself and my kid…or unborn.

I try to change my mindset when it comes to talking about my abortion because I, personally, don’t want to view it as something shameful I’ve done. At the time, I thought it was the right choice. And yea, folks can argue about precautions, blah blah blah…but it happened to me and I knew–or rather, sensed– the struggle that would happen if I chose to having a kid then.

Strange to say…but I think, then, I was strong enough to handle making and going through with my decision to have an abortion than to go through with a pregnancy. When I made the decision to have Ky, I had a pros and cons list (I know, I know….that’s how I was able to process). And although the cons outweighed the pros, one “pro” weighed heaviest: I got this.

I have my moments and sometimes motherhood is absolute trash, but I don’t regret it. I don’t regret my abortion. Nor do I regret not having one.

I wish most folks saw it that way and left women to make their own choices…

….and shut the hell up.



30. Single Mom. Teacher. Procrastinator. Lazy Maid. Personal Preschooler Cook. Born & Raised in NY. Existing Somewhere in NC.

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