Posted in black moms, Parenting, Preschooler, Single Mom, Single Parent

…admitting you’re wrong

So…

I yelled at Ky in front of a phone call she had with T.O.P. And I didn’t just yell…I cussed at her.

I know, I know….voices of her inner me….affects it will have….use positive language….

Yes, I know.

But–and it’s no excuse–…but in the moment, being annoyed, repeating myself a million times a day as it is, probably feeling hormonal from an upcoming cycle….I wasn’t thinking. I just reacted.

Why little people feel the need to touch things after you tell them not to a bazillion times, is beyond me…

And T.O.P attempted to correct me…

Uh….

absolutely not

 

 

Sir, you do not get to tell me how I talk to my child and you don’t know how to have a conversation with her! You are not with her daily! You have no idea WHAT the hell I’m going through! SO BACK OFF!

….was what I wanted to say.

But instead I went with, “Don’t you even start!” and left it at that.

Yea, I was wrong for lashing out at him too (BUT rarely have I ever….so it was long overdue in my book!). I mean really how dare he?! You just joke with her; never have to discipline her…and you think you can correct me the ONE time you see me have a mini meltdown?!

Yea…no!

Oh how easy it is to be the fun parent!

Am I not allowed to feel my feelings and be wrong sometimes?! When I say this side of me hardly ever pokes its ugly head, I mean rarelyI’m most likely know as the “I’m/It’s fine” friend. Most days I’m calm through my annoyance…On my worst days, I’m deadly silent or a one word killer.

I feel like as a mom, I’m not allowed to have ugly moments. I mean people say it’s “ok” to have one but when we do, we’re immediately judged for it.

 

How could you think that about your child? // How could you say that? // Why would you do this?? // Who does that??

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

leave me alone

 

 

 

 

…you can catch these slick words too!

 

The one thing I try to correct myself on –because I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO SHOULD— is apologizing to Ky. It may take me a minute and she may not even remember why I’m doing it. But I apologize more often than not; something I don’t think happen to me often–if at all– when I was little. Sometimes I even explain what was going through my mind when I blow up because I think it’s important to have these conversations with her. I’m not perfect…I want her to see that…understand it. Maybe when she’s older, we can talk about other ways I could have handle myself better than just yelling/cussin to get my point across (ya know….the teacher in me).

I also correct her when she says “it’s ok” because plenty of times, it’s not. I don’t want her to get into the habit of saying things are “ok” when they are most definitely not (I still struggle with this). So Ky has also gotten into a habit of telling me that I’ve hurt her feelings when I yell at her.

Let me explain this again…

MY 4 YEAR OLD CAN ARTICULATE HER FEELINGS IN THE MOMENT BETTER THAN YOU CAN!

I am still shook by this. And it’s one of the main reasons I’ve made a conscious effort to explain myself to my 4 year old about my feelings and to admit when I’m wrong.

Now if only I could keep that same energy with adults…

 

-Ash

 

 

Author:

30. Single Mom. Teacher. Procrastinator. Lazy Maid. Personal Preschooler Cook. Born & Raised in NY. Existing Somewhere in NC.

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