Miss me much??
Well I just had to get myself together before writing again (which I have missed soooo much!). Life has gotten busy and depression has poked its little head ever so often as well.
But we’ll discuss that soon enough!
I’m 30! (Well….3 months into 30) and I kicked it off with a nice dinner with family and friends. A very simple night with lots of laugh of how people met me and giving myself all the props/credit I never give on a random Wednesday.
And everything stayed as it was. I don’t know why I expected to feel this grand difference from being 29 11:59.59p years old to being 30 12:01.02a. But I felt disappointed for some strange reason. Where was this vast feeling of wisdom that came with being 30? The ‘no nonsense” attitude that I would be taking on? The only thing that did change was the appearance of Larry the Grey Hair’s cousin (Roger) sprouting right in the front my freaking head and the age on my Bumble dating app.
But then I went on my cruise.
Yall when I say tears of not wanting to come back to the states…I was distraught. I know I only viewed the tourist side of Spain, Italy, and France but dammit I was ready to move! Change my career! Anything! I’m pretty sure that was the reason of me being in such a mood on my way back (that and my summer employers screwed me over…but I digress). I was coming back to somewhere I felt stuck and the shininess of a new country somewhat what gave me hope…looked good for 30, I guess. For whatever reason, I was ready and looking into school systems elsewhere; not that I really wanted to teach but I assumed–like everywhere else in the world–it would probably be an easier field to get into.
My original plan on the cruise was to write…do some self reflection…make some changes.
I mean I did some self reflection…on the first night. But after that I just enjoyed myself.
Went on excursions. Spoke with other passengers. Ate. Enjoyed dancing in the nightlife. Read. And of course drank! Whether by myself or with others, I enjoyed every minute of it.
Weeks after the trip, I did a bit more self reflection. True that living in a different country would be so DOPE! But I know it would be difficult; not just for me but for Ky too. We have family here that we count on. A huge support system. Leaving all of that behind would be difficult.
But I was puzzled by the immediate need to move to another country. Why not another city? Or State? Change careers here? I’ve done it before; maybe not with a child but I assume it would easier than adjusting to a completely different culture.
Then I realized, 30 is shifting something in me. A different desire. A need almost. I’ve slowly started noticing it in my interactions with others. Some sort of fearlessness. Or wanting of more. I don’t know if it has always been there or now its been heightened, but I’m definitely liking it.
Liking it alot.