Posted in Single Parent

…anxieties about turning 30

Hey folks!

So my 30th is approaching and I’m having anxiety about it. I know I know: age ain’t nothing but a number, 30 will be my best years, there’s nothing wrong with turning 30…..

But son…there’s going to be a 3 before my 0 *gasp* Like when people ask “how old are you?”, and right after I act offended I have to say “30” (and then smile nonchalantly because genes…Lol!)

I was one of those people who was obsessed with wanting to have my life together by the time I was 30 (Let’s all laugh together! Hahahahaha). I thought I would have the boyfriend/fiancé/husband, kid(2), the house, be further along in my career, maybe even graduate school, be active in my church, take trips out the wahzoo, save, invest…but didn’t take any actual steps towards those things…because…parties. And shoes. And commitment issues. And shoes.

(Again, let’s laugh at my dream world….now in spanish “Jajajajajajajaja”)

And now only 2 of those things actually happened—if you need help: it’s the kid and being active in my church.

I want to go cry in a corner. How did 30 sneak up so fast on me?!

I remember when I thought 30 was old…Shit. Am I the old cousin now?! *Waaaaaaaaaah*

But since people are trying to talk me out of my 30-feeling blues, I decided to come up with a list of stuff I would like to do in my 30’s and hopefully writing them down is the equivalent of speaking them into existence.

 

Travel

I’m already going to kick off my 30’s with a trip out of the country following my birthday (to Spain, Italy, and France!). But I don’t want this to be a once in a decade thing. I want to travel more; while it also not hurt my pockets in the process. And I would prefer to go with people but I don’t want to wait forever for anyone either. The Caribbean is nice…but everyone goes there and I think I would only like to go because of carnival. I would love to travel to parts of Africa and Asia…I just don’t know where. Definitely going to start some research.

 

Write A Book

I’m told all the time I should write a book. And when I was younger, I started to write a few (but all was lost on an old laptop). I don’t know what I would write about now but I have a few ideas. Maybe a take on my 20s as a start could be interesting…

 

Change Careers (after these loans are forgiven)

So hopefully by the time I’m 36, 37, my student loans will be forgiven (here’s to praying to sweet baby Jesus that they will). I like teaching, but we all know it’s not a passion of mine and I don’t particularly care for the direction it’s going in anyway. So that will give me 6 years to decide what my next move will be: taking my blog to the next level? Graduate school? A Book?

 

Self-care Days

I would love to do more self-care days without having to worry about money. So far my self-care days look like me napping 4-5hrs a day on a weekend or feeling bad about getting my nails done (but also being really happy about how cute they turn out). But I would like to do something like go to a spa or take a class (cooking, playing instrument, sewing, etc.). I started doing more of that this year but just searching on Eventbrite and seeing what was going on in my area.

 

Pay off debt

Whew chile! Debt is literally the death of me! I have so much and it just looks like I’ll never get out of it. But I’m remaining hopeful! I have some loans that will be gone in 2 years, another in 6. But I would love to pay them off earlier! I’m currently coming up with a plan to make that happen, but of course I have to make some sacrifices *insert MASSIVE eye roll* Here’s to praying that my sacrifices stick!

 

Buy a house

I saw this in the cards for me this year, but I’ve accepted that this will be a longer process for me than I intended and that I need to be patient about it because…loans *shakes fists* Also—very much like preparing for a mate—I need to prepare myself to take care of a house. I’m sure I’m not ready for that yet.

 

Find a consistent side hustle

Look if I’m going to be a teacher for a little while longer, I NEED to find something to supplement my income while also being something that I love to do. I love to write (even though it’s been two months since my last post…don’t judge me!), I love interacting with people (I’m not sure about selling anything…but I guess I could be good at it), and I like doing hair (sometimes! I’m no professional! Nor do I really want to take the set towards being one). But because of all the things I would like to accomplish, I need to find something to help supplement my income.

 

Confront problems head on/speak my mind

I absolutely SUCK at this. I really want to be do better with just saying how I feel and not feeling bad about it. I have to stop saying things that won’t hurt others at my own expense (something my 20s have taught me). And also because now that I’m an “OFFICIAL” grown up, I need to communicate instead of passive aggressively having an attitude or ghosting people. That’s for kids. I want “No” to be one of my favorite words and still feel that things are still alright in the world when it’s said.

 

Therapy

I keep saying how useful this would be for me. But I also know how expensive it could be for me too. It’s just another one of those things I need to sacrifice some things for, but would be absolutely worth it. There’s so much I want to learn about myself and why I do the things I do; maybe why I say the things I say, hurt the way I hurt…

 

Dance

I never knew how much I could enjoy dancing (and I don’t mean whinin pon son man!). I genuinely love dancing and feel some much freedom and joy in it. Whether it’s Zumba, praise dancing, African dancing, etc. I love just letting loose, feeling sexy, and feeling free. It’s almost as freeing to me as writing feels. I’ve thought about taking up a dance class where Ky has her’s; just to learn something different; Something to bring us closer!

 

Writing all of this makes me feel even more excited about turning 30! No more anxiety…..well maybe less anxiety. But I certainly look forward to what it brings.

 

To turning 30!

 

*Cheers*

 

-Ash.

Author:

30. Single Mom. Teacher. Procrastinator. Lazy Maid. Personal Preschooler Cook. Born & Raised in NY. Existing Somewhere in NC.

One thought on “…anxieties about turning 30

  1. I’m very proud of the person you’ve become and I love your list, I’m sure your 30’s will bring you a lot more too! Happy Birthday and I love you!

    Like

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