….ranting [mildly]

Hey folks!

Soooo I’m sorry, really really I am…but. This. right here. Is my. Rant. (Soulja Boy/Ariana Grande enough for yall?)

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Okay so can we talk about how trash Valentine’s Day was me?!

I was home with a flu-ridden Ky, washing clothes, and mopping. Otherwise known as my everyday life.

I totally applaud you mamas for having your little ones as your Valentines, going out on dates, having photoshoots…all the cutesy stuff…I get it…promise I do.

HOWEVER…I needs for my Valentine to be 26+ and of the male persuasion, ma’am! Shoot! It didn’t even have to be Valentine’s Day. I just need an adult male conversation!

Let me not say need….I WOULD LIKE TO…

Ugh! Like I get the whole “eVerYdAY ShOuLd bE vAleNtinE’s DaY” thing, but son! All I’m asking for is ONE day, from a pretty decent, sane, record-free guy. Maybe someone awesome enough to bring home to my three year old and be ok about her snitching to her triflin other person about (hehe…see what I did there?…still part of the T.O.P acronym…but I digress…)

But nooooo, I’m rushing things. I’m impatient, I’m unavailable, these guys are crazy, they’re not Godly enough, the voices in my head are arguing,…

Wait, did I just share my crazy with yall?

But anyway, when I say I’m really looking to just go out, that’s just it. And not with my friends….I’m so tired of them worrying about me. It’s exhausting saying I”m fine and them battling with me that I’m not. Lol! You don’t know my life! Sometimes it really just feels like they want to ask me about my dating life just so they can give advice on how I shouldn’t end up being a single mom of two. And then I feel like the stubborn teenager: “YOu doN’T kNoW My LiFe, mOM!”….

 

Patience

Dear Friends & Family members of Single Moms,

Please stop telling us about being patient.

We were patient 40+ weeks to meet our little person;

patiently waited 4-6 years til those daycare fees were a thing of the past;

And are patiently waiting 18-26 years til that little person moves THE. HECK. OUT..

We. Are. The. EPITOME. Of. Patience.

I don’t know about you single mamas, but my patience is wearing me out. And my tolerance for hearing the word as well. No, I’m not saying I NEED some man in my life.

 Or that I want to get my rocks off every now and again (well…). But the ‘single’ part of the single mom life is indeed trash.

Basura!

Garbage!

Awful!

 

Everyone loves to think I’m rushing some process when I’ve only brought ONE guy around my family and friends –and it wasn’t even T.O.P.

Who’s rushing?!

 

Unavailable

Another advice I was given: I don’t go out enough.

Single mamas of little humans, question? How easy is it to work all week (sometimes with 2-3 jobs), get a free sitter, go out, and not be tired?

Wait, I’ll answer: IT ISN’T!

The moment I get any free time, my bed is getting ALLLLLLLLL OOOOOF MEEEEE *in my John Legend voice* That’s just a fact.

Monday-Friday, 7:30-3:30 I’m booked, 4/4:30-9/10 Ky has me booked. That 1hr/1.5hr is my only peace.

And IF you want to count weekends and in the off chance I’m not working, doing professional development, traveling to visit someone [who apparently can’t visit me], in church, or running errands….That gives you…October…I’m free….in…October….

*shrug*

And I know what you’ll probably say next: wElL THat’S wHy YOu DoN’t meeT aNYoNe (I tell you this “SpongeBob Font” is the best thing to ever happen to me!)

And maybe you’re absolutely right. But I would much rather not be half asleep wherever I decide to be hanging out (like I’m struggling to write this now! It’s only 4:30p!)

That 1/1.5hr of peace and quiet I get and intentionally make time for, is not going to find me my Boaz. Wait, I’m sorry….I mean Boaz to find me…? Neither is swiping. BUT I ALSO KNOOOOOOOOOOOW THIIIIIIISSSSSSS. Just let me deliver hilarious content in the form of my poor choices. K?!

 

Church

I have to laugh at this because when I was looking for my church home, I wasn’t looking in terms of who had the most eligible bachelors. I’m still not. I would HOPE and PRAY that none of these very unavailable and very married men would not look my way. And I refuse to change church homes JUST for that reason!

I come to church to get my Holy Trinity On and that’s it!

God bless yall that have been foundeth by your husband! Me. I findeth my seat and the word and I’m out.

Dassit!

Does this mean I want to be married tomorrow? No.

Does this mean I want to be in a relationship? No.

Does this mean I want someone consistent? Possibly No-ish…

So what does it mean? More than likely it means I’m exploring options, understanding my tolerance, my deal breakers, getting to know personalities, and much more. Some call it wasting time. But patience, right? I won’t always  pick the “right” person and I’m not always expecting to either. Having these feelings, these internal battles doesn’t mean I value myself any less. I’m entitled to feel this way. And I know it really sounds like I’m making up excuses or I’m being defensive (well…), but I don’t need some sort of saving. I’m not sittin’ up in my room crying about my dating life (This Is Us has taken ALLL of my tears as is). I’m learning (at almost 30, yes….don’t judge me!).

 

And if that means I have to learn dates don’t happen at strip clubs, then so be it!

 

A story for another time, yall….a story for another time…

 

 

End Rant.
– Ash