Posted in Single Parent

….Reaching a Breaking Point

I have reached my breaking point. I’m convinced these “Terrrrrrrrrrrifible Twos” are turning me grey (no, like seriously…I found a grey strand and named it Larry).

I was ok with Ky being terrible at home. I’m not the best person when we’re home anyway. I just want to lay down, watch my shows, drink wine, and sneak in as many naps as I possibly can. I don’t want to play, I don’t want to talk, I don’t even want to be around anyone. That’s hard on a two year old; I know.

But now the shit is getting OUT OF CONTROL.

FIRST OF ALL, she’s throwing tantrums in public; like falling out in the middle of the street to get hit by cars, tantrums. Oh the dramatics! But I *try* not to react. She falls out, I fall out too…holding her damn hand. I refuse to pick her up. But then she starts hitting AND biting. I don’t respond well to hitting or biting. That’s when I take her tail to the nearest bathroom and wear her out. BUT NOW it’s in school! She’s acting up more in school.

Who’s kid is this?!

Is this my karma?!

Why has the Lord forsaken me?!

…Ok, now I kind of understand where she gets her dramatics from…

But how do I even go about handling behaviors like this?! Like I’m legit tired of the tantrums. Her cries are like “nails on a chalkboard” annoying. No matter how high I turn the volume up on the TV, she only gets louder. No matter where I try to hide, she finds me. Oh and throwing her into her room isn’t an option; she WILL be heard. She just opens the door right back up and asserts herself.

I’m basically in a horror film.

Terrrrrrrifible Twos.

I know it’s all apart of the growing progress…but B RRRRRRR U H! I’m EXHAUSTED! Dealing with the roller coaster of emotions is exhausting…
So exhausting that I completely lost it one night. Usually the TV or playing by herself keeps her somewhat preoccupied. But this one night she had cried and screamed about being hungry, took literally two bites, and said she was finished but wanted candy. And when I told her no, it was on.

Food was thrown. She tried hitting me. She screamed. She threw things in her room. She started breaking things.

That lasted for two….long…fucking…hours.

She cried and screamed and threw things for two…fucking…hours….

Walking back to her room. Calming tones. Giving space. Popping her.

belt-meme-e1525827557784.png

Talking to her. None of it worked. So I did what I thought was best at the time:

I didn’t feel ok about whooping her…but I thought the shock of it would at least leave her cry-less (speechless). But no, it made her angrier. Louder. I was sure I was going to prison that night because my neighbors had had enough.

I started taking everything out of her room that she threw or tried to rip apart (toys, beddings, shoes, clothes, rocks…every little thing that was in her way and made her even angrier). It all now lived in my living room. She was even more furious, and went after our over-the-door mirrors.

All of this because I said she couldn’t have candy.

And before we get on me…I did the whole patience thing…the ignoring thing…the calm voice crap…the redirecting…the reiterating…all the “research based” crap I’m supposed to do so CPS won’t wind up at my door. And I was tired. I worked with everyone else’s little person today. It was at least 9:30p. My nerves and patience shot. And after two hours, I knew she was too.

The last time I went to remove the last of her things and closed her door, she ran to me and said “Noooo mommy! I need you, mommy!” and hugged my legs in the most exhausted way.

I acknowledged her need for me…but I couldn’t cave.

I knelt down gave her a kiss and told her “I know, but what you did is not ok. You can’t do that to mommy or anyone else. So you have to go to bed.”

And although she cried so more, at least went to bed.

This is all could have been stopped with a hug and calming words. Not screaming. Not a whooping. Not an all out mother-toddler war.mom meme

Just a hug. And now that’s all I’ve been doing when she goes into her crazy, nails on a chalkboard screaming, stomping tantrums….about washing her hands. I speak to her calmly and hug her when she gets to that point.

Still drives me insane….but at least she only takes an hour to calm down.

I’m claiming that a #MomWin.

-Ash

 

 

 

Author:

30. Single Mom. Teacher. Procrastinator. Lazy Maid. Personal Preschooler Cook. Born & Raised in NY. Existing Somewhere in NC.

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