Posted in Uncategorized

…New Year, Same Struggles

I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed in myself. I thought I could do a better job with this writing thing, but sheeeesh. It’s hard as hell! [Kudos to all of you hard hitting, dedicated bloggers/writers]. I really couldn’t keep up and I saw my goals really weren’t realistic; for me anyway.

But I think I’m going to give this another go because I really think I can help someone out there.

I have a lot of ideas running through my head about where I want to take this blog, but for now let’s talk about what you really came here for: tuning into my constant struggle with motherhood and having a raging, but totally adorable toddler.

It has been quite a year, 2017 has been. Not too many changes, but I’m constantly learning what motherhood is supposed to mean for me. I never understood how parents could set their children in front of  electronics, or let their kids cry continuously, or forget clothes for their kids, or not make some type of hot dinner for them before they went to bed, or how could some parents hide things from their kids. Like it really baffled me.

And then Ky turned 2.

And I completely understood every struggle.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike, is this really going to be life for me God?! Are You SERIOUSLY going to do this to me?! I teach Children’s Church for Christ’s sake!! *insert all the tears of the universe*

I have done everything I thought was “wrong” parenting, just to keep my sanity by 9:30p, sneak in a 6min hot shower, chug down a large full glass of red wine, while catching up on 30mins of one show.

Life is a rush right now! To the point where I just have to knock Ky out of my way and down to the ground when she throws tantrums about changing her clothes (oooh the asshole parenting of it all!). Everything is go go go! And toddlers want to smell every flippin flower and pick up every flippin rock (like seriously y’all! What is the deal with the flippin rock collections?!)

But would I trade any of it?

I ABSOLUTELY would!

And I have a list ready:

– for a 30min shower

– for a 4hr nap

– for the ability to have a snack to MYSELF

– for a clean apartment

– to save that extra 500-700 in daycare fees

– for a monthly pedi/mani

– to leave the house on time to go anywhere

– to live this “one trip”-up-3-flights-of-stairs-with-groceries life

– to have a gooood hair wash day

– to go shopping for only me

Like I really took all these things for granted Pre-Mommy Life *insert dramatic crying face*

But I know I would miss all these crazy, dramatic, and wildly cute moments. The hugs. The attacks of kisses. The tantrums and random outbursts (“THIS IS MY ARM!”…..like heffa I just want you to go pee!). Just this little person she’s growing to be.

That, I guess I’m grateful for.

Here’s to all the craziness to come and to hoping I can consistently entertain y’all in 2018!

*Cheers*

-Ash

Author:

30. Single Mom. Teacher. Procrastinator. Lazy Maid. Personal Preschooler Cook. Born & Raised in NY. Existing Somewhere in NC.

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