One of the things I knew would be a difficult thing to do, is date. Not that I was so great at it before, but I just knew it would be harder now that I’m a mom.
In my mind, I thought a woman with a child and an “absent father”, somehow made the woman undesirable; so she would have to lower her standards, just a bit…opening her options to older men, or guys with kid..s…(for example). Something that I wouldn’t have typically gone for if I wasn’t a mom.
Just a short snippet of my “dating” life before Ky: I didn’t. The end.
Seriously, I only had two serious-ish boyfriends…only one met my family and I only considered myself dating – like what the term actually means – maybe two other guys. Besides that, I had/have terrible taste in guys (i.e. how I got pregnant..kidding!).
But I decided to give it a shot last year and I have to say…it was quite interesting the responses I got.
Well, since I don’t give myself the opportunity to get out much, I tried the online “dating” sites; ya know, the hook up sites…okcupid, tinder, zoosk, etc. Nothing I actually had to pay for. Well I’ve already discussed the one guy I ran into in …being lonely, and I think he was the worst of it…but the others….Lord, I hope this isn’t what’s really out there.
So guy 1 (I don’t have a name for him because he wouldn’t give me one) kept sending voice messages on one site and told me that he basically saw me around Walmart…yup. That’s where it began and ended for me. I don’t find “watching me from a distance” attractive, sir.
Guy 2 – we’ll call him…Biggins – well Biggins got me to talk on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. Not because I’m lazy and think you can solely have a real conversation through text. But because I don’t have time and my attention span is short. Lol. I barely hold a conversation with family and friends while I do what I need to around the house and chasing after my toddler. But, again, this was one of those things I had to get myself used to.
Anyway, he had kids – didn’t live with him of course – and was about 30 yrs old. That was fine with me. What took a toll on me was the hours of nothingness he wanted to do on the phone. The first day was cool because we were in that getting to know you stage. Talking. Asking questions. Being funny. The usual. But after that…I just couldn’t. I work. I have a kid. I have to clean. I have lesson plans to attempt to do. BRUH. I hardly everrr get in my bed -relaxed – before 10pm. And even THAT was a problem for him. Like he tried to chew me out about “being too busy” and didn’t even ask what I did that day. So I’ll tell you guys. It was a Tuesday…my longest day of the week. I work from 7:30a-3:15p, meeting from 3:15p-4:30 (if I’m lucky), get Ky, pack and make a quick dinner before headed to church from 6:30p-830p (where I was helping to prepare for the kids’ Christmas Service and still managed to send a text or two in between), picked up a friend to take him home, get Ky ready for bed, and tidied up a bit so I could find things in the morning. *rolls eyes* So yea, no. Hour long conversations about nothing is a no-go. I ignored his calls after.
Guy 3, I knew through a teammate and I loved how tall he was! But that’s it really. Once I got to know him a little better, he reminded me of Ky’s T.O.P. *rolls eyes entirely too hard* So that ended reeeeal abruptly.
Now Guy 4- we’ll call him…Mark – Mark, I liked. Mark was sweet; was able to get me to talk on the phone and actually hold a good conversation (we even video chatted, yall!), he had a little girl around Ky’s age; had his own place, job, and was just an overall laid back guy. Wasn’t into the party scene, wanted to build with someone, and just wanted to give the online dating thing a shot. Mark, was what I needed right now. So we decided to plan a date.
Folks, if there is anything I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT stand is when a guy asks you out on a date and doesn’t come up with a plan. The whole “what do you want to do?”/”where do you want to go?” bit is aggravating; especially when you’ve had enough conversations with someone to come up with something.
See where I’m going with this?
In the mist of planning, Mark kept asking me what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, etc. and I eventually gave in and told him to just make something because we were both getting off work late (and it would have taken me an hour to get to him). So then he kept asking what I wanted him to cook. LIKE DUDE, PICK SOMETHING!! Anyway, we decided on seafood.
I had my mom in town watching Ky, I was in a cute little outfit, I got paid that day, I was about to meet this cute guy…so I was feeling quite good about everything!
Well when I showed up, Mark wasn’t quite what I expected.
For one thing he was shorter and more..um…petite than he appeared in pictures. But I told myself not to disregard him, yet. Then he asked if I wanted to go with him to Kmart real quick. Now since he was still in his work clothes, I assumed that he just need to get whatever he was about to cook (and yes I realized all the stupid choices I was making this whole time…let’s move past that for right now). So I rode with him to Kmart, we make small talk, being real shy towards each other, and whatnot.
We get to Kmart and y’all…he had us go in there for pots and pans, utensils, glasses, plates and bowls, cups, comforter sets, candles, etc. And he was so indecisive, I had to pick out everything! Like I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was crazy weird.
When I’ve told people this story, I’ve gotten mixed feelings about it. On one hand I’m told it’s not that bad that our date was at Kmart (because really that’s where it was…I was too tired to to wait for him to cook and ended up getting takeout); at least he valued my opinion so much that he wanted me to pick out everything. On the other hand, this was “planned” for like two days and he could have gotten those things prior to (or at least told me that’s what we were doing!).
Yea needless to say, I haven’t talked much to Mark after that, but he has asked to redeem himself. Eh, I think I’ll pass for now.
So the online dating thing didn’t really work for me. And I’ve since then deleted all of my profiles/Apps. I don’t think I’ll be using those things anymore (mainly because I’ve tried all the free ones and I’m not adding anything else to my list of bills!). *sigh*
I’m just going to take a break from the whole online dating thing for now and focus on other, important things…like wine preferences and interior decorating.
4 thoughts on “ …dating…ish”
I’d say give the indecisive dude one more chance and just communicate that you don’t like an indecisive guy. See if he tries to take charge, if not then whatever you tried lol
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I actually did! I STARTED to give him a chance. He said something that was very “girls do this, boys do this” that I didn’t find attractive. Because that’s what I try to debunk with my students