…setting goals

Hey folks!

Happy New Year!

I just wanted to share a few quick “revelations” I had at the end of 2016.

1. It is NOT weak of me to ask for help: All my life I’ve been the type to just want to do things on my own and not bother asking others for help for fear that it may make me look weak; like I don’t have a handle on things. But the two – asking for help and weakness – have nothing to do with each other. Me asking my friends/family for help, isn’t a sign of weakness…it’s a sign of strength, actually. It takes a lot of guts to realize when you need help and to seek it. I couldn’t be the mom I am today without my village. Which brings me to point 2…
2. Accepting the village is more about my daughter and less about me: Being a single mom has been hard and I don’t like to admit that, because that’s the general census about single mothers. I wanted so badly to debunk that theory. And although I think I do a pretty decent job, I have to thank my village; their uplifting words, agreeing to some of my sporadic schedules, their taking on the roles of being prominent figures in my daughter’s life…I’m so blessed! One comment from my cousin explained it best: “…by always saying no, we are often denying the village members their chance to be involved with our babies.” I thank them all so much for always giving me the confidence and comfort in saying “yes”.
3. Dating can wait: At least online dating can. It has been an interesting journey that I can’t wait to share with you all….in a later post : ) But I have learned that I have a type – which is a BIG realization for me! – and to be honest with myself about what I want and am able to offer in a situation/relationship. So, for right now, dating isn’t in the cards for me.
4. I am not looking forward to what comes after turning 2: If anything Ky is showing me these days is a clue to what to expect when she turns two, I AM NOT READY! The tantrums, the getting into all my things, the talking back, and twerkin! OH LAWD! It’s cute sometimes….BUT I know I’m going to have to work on keeping a straight face and watching what I say/do.
5.  And lastly, I enjoy working with kids, but teaching is not for me: I’ve developed a slight anxiety working as a teacher (I’m self-diagnosing here). Like I’m being really unsure of my potential and I think that’s carrying over into my motherhood; I’m second guessing my decisions when it comes to my own child because it happens to me so much at school and even her teachers are making me second guess myself *sigh*…I’ll save that for another post too. But aside from the anxiety, I don’t really feel as though I enjoy what I do; and it could be that I’m just at the wrong school and/or under the wrong leadership.

But for 2017 there’s a few things I would like to do to better myself as a woman, mother, professional, and spiritually.

1. Giving more time to Ky: After a day of being asked a million questions by 4,5 yr olds, I don’t really feel like nor have the energy to play with my own child; and that saddens me. I should be able to give her more of me, even when I’m tired. So my goal is to make it a priority to have ‘our time’ before bed (I’ve really slacked in the whole ‘reading-before-bed’ department) and have activities for us to do on the weekends (playdates, go to the park, at-home projects, mommy & me classes, etc.)
2. Communicate with family/friends: I’ve ALWAYS been horrible at this…and I still try to make it my goal every year. Again, I’m so exhausted that I don’t really want to talk to anyone, but I need to do better with that. I want to appreciate those in my life now, while they are still here and never want to wonder “what if” later. I think I’ll try my idea that I wanted to do last year: write a bunch of names of people I am close with, put their name in a jar, and pick a day a week to contact them.
3. Take care of myself: I’ve realized I’m not all the way comfortable in my body, with my spiritual walk, and my peace of mind. So I want to change my eating (less meats, more detoxing), get back to writing my prayers and reading my Bible, maybe even practice a bit of meditation. That will all be very interesting, yall pray I can keep it up!
4. Next steps: I want to start looking into what I want to do in my life next; continue in education or venture into something else. Maybe I’ll start with what I like and how I see myself in the years to come…like a 1,3,5 year plan…and see what my options may be for grad school…hmmm…
5. Lastly, I really want to make an effort with this blog thing. I love to write and love sharing my experiences – in written form, of course! Starting this blog in 2016 was a big step for me; getting the word out about it was even bigger. But I need to put in effort that’s realistic for me. I would like to have at least 2 posts a month, 3 on breaks, and maybe 4 on summer breaks. So that puts me at about 28-32 posts this year…but I would love to exceed that! Let’s go!

To quote last night’s sermon: Lord, I “expect more”!

2017, I’m so ready!

-Ash