One of my big issues has always been accepting help. I know in “…relying on yourself“, I went on and on about not relying on others because in all honesty, people just offer help just to be offering sometimes. And as a single mom, my sporadic situations my not be ideal for everyone’s schedule – understandably so.
But in my 15 months 16 days 8 hours and 18 or so minutes into motherhood, I’ve come to learn something: This. Ish. Is. Hard. Single motherhood is hard. And as much as I think I’m Superwoman and Chic-Almighty wrapped all in one, I just can’t figure out and do everything on my own. It’s absolutely impossible sometimes.
Before Ky, I was the type of person that if you offered me help, my response was ALWAYS, “No, I got it!”; even in situations when I didn’t have a single clue how I was going to get it. I could be stranded in the middle of nowhere with $0.02 in my bank account, a twisted ankle, with Jesus driving in his BMW telling me He could give me a ride and I would not budge. Yea, I was THAT bad.
But I always found a way.
Or rather, He did.
But I’ve come to learn – reeeeeeal quick – that philosophy and way of thinking does not work being a mom…and working 2 jobs.
The other day I was in a real pickle (don’t worry, I won’t use that too often) and was asked if I could come into work my second job. Now I could have said no, but honey my bank account told me I would be better off going there and accepting whatever I could get in tips. So I did some sitter shopping. And by the 5th person, I was just feeling embarrassed about asking anymore. I mean I was the girl who always “Got it” and now it just seemed like I was begging for help.
I came from a family who refused to show weakness. I saw my mom cry about 2 times and my dad, once in my 27 years of life. I’m just realizing now that my grandparents aren’t even invincible.
And here I am, family on opposite sides of the east coast, trying to ask my friends for help; something I promised myself not to do;…because you know, relationships can be ruined really fast that way.
But finally someone responded, and I was able to do what I had to…just to get me through til payday (I swear I’m real close to just getting on a pole…it’s getting ridiculous!)
On my drive to and from work, I realized something: how incredibly blessed I am. I have a list of approximately 13 (maybe even more) people I felt comfortable enough to call and ask to watch my daughter for me…all while being miles away from home. How many moms – and single moms at that – can say that?? Let me give you the answer to that one; NOT MANY. I went from “I’ll figure it out”/”I got it” to “Uh, heeey sooo can I ask for a favor” Those are HUGE steps in Ashley Land! And then have people to just say “yes, Ky is such a good baby” (when we ALL know that’s a lie. Smh)…There HAS to be Someone up there giving me the “I got this”!
I honestly don’t know if I could have done most of the things I do now without their help – and make that FREE help!
I’m incredibly thankful that He’s got this.
And for having such a great second family here.
But, I’m still going to fake it like I got it out here….you know, just in case.