…accepting the village

Hey Folks!

One of my big issues has always been accepting help. I know in “…relying on yourself“,  I went on and on about not relying on others because in all honesty, people just offer help just to be offering sometimes. And as a single mom, my sporadic situations my not be ideal for everyone’s schedule – understandably so.

But in my 15 months 16 days 8 hours and 18 or so minutes into motherhood, I’ve come to learn something: This. Ish. Is. Hard. Single motherhood is hard. And as much as I think I’m Superwoman and Chic-Almighty wrapped all in one, I just can’t figure out and do everything on my own. It’s absolutely impossible sometimes.

Before Ky, I was the type of person that if you offered me help, my response was ALWAYS, “No, I got it!”; even in situations when I didn’t have a single clue how I was going to get it. I could be stranded in the middle of nowhere with $0.02 in my bank account, a twisted ankle, with Jesus driving in his BMW telling me He could give me a ride and I would not budge. Yea, I was THAT bad.

But I always found a way.

Or rather, He did.

But I’ve come to learn – reeeeeeal quick – that philosophy and way of thinking does not work being a mom…and working 2 jobs.

The other day I was in a real pickle (don’t worry, I won’t use that too often) and was asked if I could come into work my second job. Now I could have said no, but honey my bank account told me I would be better off going there and accepting whatever I could get in tips. So I did some sitter shopping. And by the 5th person, I was just feeling embarrassed about asking anymore. I mean I was the girl who always “Got it” and now it just seemed like I was begging for help.

I came from a family who refused to show weakness. I saw my mom cry about 2 times and my dad, once in my 27 years of life. I’m just realizing now that my grandparents aren’t even invincible.

And here I am, family on opposite sides of the east coast, trying to ask my friends for help; something I promised myself not to do;…because you know, relationships can be ruined really fast that way.

But finally someone responded, and I was able to do what I had to…just to get me through til payday (I swear I’m real close to just getting on a pole…it’s getting ridiculous!)

On my drive to and from work, I realized something: how incredibly blessed I am. I have a list of approximately 13 (maybe even more) people I felt comfortable enough to call and ask to watch my daughter for me…all while being miles away from home. How many moms – and single moms at that – can say that?? Let me give you the answer to that one; NOT MANY. I went from “I’ll figure it out”/”I got it” to “Uh, heeey sooo can I ask for a favor” Those are HUGE steps in Ashley Land! And then have people to just say “yes, Ky is such a good baby” (when we ALL know that’s a lie. Smh)…There HAS to be Someone up there giving me the “I got this”!

I honestly don’t know if I could have done most of the things I do now without their help – and make that FREE help!

I’m incredibly thankful that He’s got this.

And for having such a great second family here.

But, I’m still going to fake it like I got it out here….you know, just in case.



8 thoughts on “…accepting the village”

  1. Hi my lovely cousin. Just to say well done you.!!!! It took me 14yrs of single parenting and pretty much losing my hair and my mind to ask for help. It really does take a village – and I also realised that by always saying no, we are often denying the village members their chance to be involved with our babes.


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