…being lonely

Hey folks!

Loneliness and motherhood. Who would have thunk it?

To some degree, I did. I mean I wasn’t expecting to be out every weekend while someone else raised my child *no shade* but I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been out, without my daughter since she’s been born…3 times…maybe.

And I wasn’t expecting to go on any dates either…because, let’s face it, my snap back was nonexistent.

So I did the next not-so-best thing: online dating.

Now again, your girl was broke, just had a baby, was paying for daycare (mostly by herself…but thanks mom!), and this was all on a teacher’s crappy (but oh so grateful to have it) salary. AND I hadn’t been out in months! I needed some adult conversation with folks my age….for the freeeee!

And so I went on multiple sites, giving half truths about myself, striking up boring conversations (hey! I was rusty, ok!), trying to appear charming, the usual. Met this guy who I thought was quite funny because of the way he caught my attention (helped he was cute too!). So I gave him my number…

I don’t know what kind of times we are living in, but I’m afraid – for me AND my daughter! So far when I spoke to guys and they asked for pictures, pictures were sent…of their face. But this one, just decided that a dick pic would be best….oh so casually…like he did it all the time.

Yea, so I wrote a poem about what happens next…and I may or may not have gotten in my feelings by the end of it…you’ll see…

***

I’ve completely given up

Seems to be my motto

After trying dating sites, after dating sites

The long list of creeps

The extremely emotionally wounded

The “take what I can getters”

All quite pitiful

And I’m amongst them

Thinking I could actually find someone

And I did…

Or I thought I did…

Until  the “send a pic”

Turned into a dick pick I never asked for

Is this what the search has turned into for me?

Politely telling Mr. Dick Pic to lose my number

Turned into an insult of me being a single mother

Are single mothers damaged goods now?

Has my ability to produce a beautiful life

Hinder my choices of a second chance?

Mr. Dick Pic I have some words for you

I. AM. NOT. DAMAGED.

My choice to keep, carry, and give life

Does not make me damaged

The title “mother” that I bare proudly 

Does not make me damaged

The relationship (or lack thereof) with the being who was nothing more than a sperm donor at this point

Does not make me damaged

My poor choices of thinking penis + vagina + zero contraceptives and thinking i was invincible

Does not make me damaged

The fact that I don’t have the time to meet adults in person and have resulted to using this damn site

Does not make me damaged

What’s damaging at this point are my eyes from being flashed by an unwanted, glossified by your spit, little dick pic

But thank you, Mr. Dick Pic

Because after feeling bad about not having ANY sexual contact for almost 2 years

I have renewed my strength in this celibacy life!

*Sigh*

 

-Ash